19 March 1998

Suzie is trying to get me to go to this play that Dave Seckler has written. I really don't want to go, but she makes me go anyways. We get there and the play starts and I realize that the play is about our relationship and time together with artistic additions that never happened. The audience loves it. After much fan fare we all go home, Dave and I, Kevin and a couple of young ladies whom he has befriended. We get to their place and Kevin sits in the black high back chair with one of the ladies sitting on his lap. She is very skinny, has short jet black hair and is wearing a g-string. I congratulate her on her g-string use, but then I notice that she is in the process of putting her clothes back on, which surprises me. I think that we interrupted, but she assures me we didn't. I turn around and there is Kevin standing in an old pair of boxers with a hard on. I approach him and start to run my fingers through his hair. Kevin places his hand on the inside of my calf and slowly moves it up my leg. I feel Dave behind me kissing me and then moving me off to the bedroom with him while Kevin stays. Now I've made it home and realize that I can buy Dave's play at the bookstore. So I go to the store and am wandering around, having trouble finding the book.

feb 23 1998

Dream 1:
I am having party at my house, though someone else is throwing it. The host has a lion and the party is well attended. After the party Suzie and I are hanging out in the big bathroom when the lion somes in and lays down right in the middle of the floor. The lion is a large male, and we get on top of the counter. Eventually we decide to have me sneak out and get the lion's owner, which I carefully do.
Dream 2:
Dave Seckler and his roommate Kevin pick me up in Dave's caddie type car to take me to work. We stop at a grocery store along the way, and there is a big group of little kids standing around out front, so Dave gives three of them a ride home. On the drive Dave keeps missing all these turns. At one point in the drive Kevin just leans over from the back seat and starts to kiss me. We really get into a deep kiss and when we're done he just sort of sits back. Then I look at Dave and give him a peck, and he sarcastically says "oh, so now you've got a concious." Finally we make it to the kids' house and we go in with them when we drop them off. The mother is cleaning when we come in and she is very happy to see her kids. She thanks us a bunch and then thanks Dave in particular, telling us all that there aren't that many good people like Dave out there anymore.

March 5 '08

I am in Denver, at an authentic Chinese restaurant. There are 7-9 people in our group, my father and some family, some of his friends, and a couple younger children. For some reason I have two cell phones, and am standing in the entrance talking on one and then the other. The host didn't want to set us if we weren't all together, and was getting impatient with me for being out front. I, annoyed, go inside and get seated with the group, and then once we were at the table and all sat, I excused myself to go finish my business. Although I was permitted it was with done so with disdain. When I was finally returned, I snottily explained that it was rude to talk on the phone at the table. So the meal begins and is nothing to speak of, until suddenly the entire restaurant is full of Nigerian rebel fighters, and they are causing chaos everywhere. Though people are scared and being thrown around, the men are not murderous, and I myself am fighting many of them off who are approaching from under the table. In the end all the customers and employees have fled and just about everything has been trashed. I am there alone, wandering through the restaurant when I happen upon a small library of race relations and how to bridge cultural divides, all very proactive stuff, and I am intrigues and have an entirely different reaction to the owner. I hear a noise in the main dining room, I go and check it out. The owner has returned, worse for the wear emotional and carrying two different kinds of pistols. He sees me and points one of the guns at me, though shakily, and starts to yell at me between sobs, about how it was all my fault and then about how he can't stay open if they keep doing that and then about how he tries to close by 'their' time to stay out of their way. By now he his sitting on a dubious chair, overwhelmed by the situation. I approach him, but I don't know what to say, I can feel his pain, and hear his tragedy, but I have no words that will heal this and then the alarm goes off.

What am I possibly saying.

The last couple nights I've been having dreams of discord and distance, of waiting and servitude, dreams where there is the threat of something worse, but the anticipation is all that materializes.
Last night I dreamt: I was back home, though it was still here in the Pacific NW, and I was going from one engagement to another to another. First I am having dinner at this Moroccan restaurant with one part of my family. I have arrived mid meal and I leave before they are finished. Now I am off to be with my friends, who are also celebrating Julie's wedding. They are at a bar along a river, and to get there I have to get on this bridge, but get off it before I go over to Canada. At this point in the dream I can tell that I am dreaming and I feel like I am driving lying down, but I can see the bridge. It is so gigantic that I can not see the other side, and at night it is all lit up, and I almost go over it, but there is a hint of fear in me, and at the last minute I turn off at the exit to the bar. I finally get there and the night is almost over; the bar is clearing out and my friends are mostly tired or drunk. I order one drink and listen to people talk. Then it's time to leave; I walk out with Heath, but then realize that the car is parked a few blocks away. I ask him to wait for me there and I go off to get it, but I have a hard time navigating the streets to get back to him.

Friday night I dreamt that I was with Linda and we were driving somewhere in the country, and we ended up at this fat, white man's house, and the man may have been from another country. He lives in this old farm house and while his actual domicile is rather run of the mill, the barn and stables on the farm are these beautiful structures, and although they have been left to run down, they are in magnificent shape and just need a little TLC. At this point in the dream it is no longer Linda nor myself who are at this farm, but two women whom I do not know, and the dream becomes much like a movie that I am watching. The women are obliged to stay there and work for their room and board, both of which are meager. One of the women takes to cleaning up the stables and barn and during daylight hours she finds peace doing her work, but there is always this looming threat of assault by the landowner's son, fat and white like his father, but much more arrogant.

A couple nights ago I dreamt: I was standing in a very long line at work, waiting for coffee. There is just one barista and a very little work space, about the size of a portable popcorn machine, you know those old timey one's. Although I am not frustrated (I am pretty close to the front of the line) I am aware of the barista's anxiety. There are a couple hundred, impatient and uncaffinated addicts all antsily demanding their fix, with the arrogance of those who have never served before.