Jun.4.2001 #2

I'm at my mom's place, and she tells me that she has a convertible. I didn't know this, so I go out and take it. It's silver and sporty. For some reason I don't scoot the seat up and so I have trouble braking the car while also seeing over the dash. I'm wearing my sarong with a white tank top and sunglasses; my hair is tousled. On my left leg there is a huge tattoo. It's purpley and intricate and cool, all on the upper outside of my thigh.
I go to my house and there are all these people there-they're not circus folks, but they are weird, but in a good way. There's one midget. Everybody is dancing in the basement with the lights off, and I join them for a while. Then I go upstairs to my room, and I look at myself in the mirror and think how beautiful I am. There is no bed in the room.
The midget comes in and starts talking to me, he wants me to join their group, but I have to leave. I get in the car and drive to the stadium, where there is a game playing, and also Askimbo. I don't go to the stadium, but rather to a cafe across from it. I am sitting at a round table with my back to the door. Some woman joins me. I know her, but she introduces herself, and I tell her that we have already met several times before. Brian comes in and stands behind me with his hands on my shoulders. He kisses my head before returning to the band.
Soon I'm eating some bacon and Jason Struna enters. He has a jar full of clear liquid with a large piece of fatty bacon that looks like it has been preserved. Jason is very excited about being able to finally eat the bacon, but I am repulsed by it. I leave the cafe with Michaela. We are outsid on a grassy hill. There's a cement table with two benches at the top of the hill. As we pass by the table I see two cats fighting.
One cat is a grey Siamese, with striking blue eyes and a black tail. The other cat is mangy and an unidentifiable mix. The cats are fighting to the death. They are on the bench, right in front of us. The mangy cat bites the Siamese cat's throat and holds it's head down. The Siamese has it's claws in the mangy cat's throat. I can't see the cats' face, but the black tail of the Siamese suddenly stiffens, then spases and the cat falls dead. The mangy cat lets go of the dead animal's throat leaving it's lifeless body on the bench. The mangy cat is drenched in it's own blood, flowing from the holes in it's neck, and it staggers off to die.
I start heaving and vomitting bile. I'm dry heaving and can see the ground, my shoes, my bile falling, all this through my watery eyes. I notice an older couple who had also seen the fight; the husband is comforting his wife as she cries.

Jun.4.2001 #1

Brian picks me up, and we drop Liz off next to a park. Brian cuts through the park because we are low on gas. I'm upset with him because it is my car and he is driving recklessly. There's a garage at the bottom of this hill. There is only one pump, and it's currently in use, so we go inside. Everytime we go out to use the pump someone cuts in front of us. Brian finally just parks the car and we go inside for awhile. There's a bakery inside the garage.
When we go outside again we can't find the car. It's dark now and I'm emotionally exhausted, so I sit down. Brian's not there anymore and I can see the sky. After a while this man comes over to me. He's black, tall, skinny and flambouant. He tells me that he found my car.
I follow him to the top of the hill, to his house, which has a garage attached. Inside the garage there are 5 or 6 black men. I sit down and they ask me what color my car is. I say, "blue, dark blue, like the sky at night." The men like it and they all reply, "yes, like the sky."
The garage door opens and my car comes out, with pictures all over it. They are scenes that have been painted onto the car and superimposed over each scene is a woman, fully dressed with neon circles around her breasts. I laugh, and they laugh with me. I get up and walk over to the car, and start unconsciously scratching off the pictures. I then suddenly realize what an insult that must be and leave the rest.
I leave with my car to go get Brian from his mom's house, and on the way I get mad at him again for leaving me.

Jun.3.2001

I haven't left for Thailand yet, but I'm ready to. I'm in an apartment with Felicity. We're packing. I'm trying to get a hold of Brian, but Anthony keeps answering and won't let me speak with Brian. I think I call back later. I fall asleep, and at 6:20 wake up, startled, so I call Brian. I'm sad and upset at Anthony. I miss Brian. We get up and start getting ready. I want to look nice but still be warm. I try to put on my scrubs underneath my skirt, but they won't fit.
Liz shows up, she's taking us to the airport. We take off, but I still need to stop at the grocery store. We stop and I get an ice cream treat. I come out and it's night, we're in an even bigger hurry. We arrive at the airport and it's very bright. There's a baseball game going on indoors. I cut through the game and to the front of the line, were Felicity is waiting with my ticket.

Jun.2.2001

The dream takes place in this house on one block. I'm living next door to a black family. One day I go over and am hanging out with the kids. The mother isn't home, its just a brother and a sister, my age. We're hanging out smoking pot. The brother's cute, I like him.
I go back home, where either Vida or Jessica lives. There's a bunch of confusion and chaos. Jess doesn't want to deal with her mom, who's in the kitchen, and there's anxiety. It's a very small kitchen, crowded and messy, and her mom is cooking with many pans. It's hot and steamy.
I step out and go next door to see if they want to smoke a blunt. There are people over, but the brother goes for a walk around the block with me. I have a joint, but the weed keeps falling out, so I have to reroll it. I sit down on the edge of this one lawn, but the guy tells me that we can't roll it there, because the woman who lives there is mean and hates marijuana. We keep moving, having trouble finding a place to roll it.

Jun.1,2001

First dream:
I'm watching it like a movie. There's this man on the side of this truck going down east Colfax, before Colo. Blvd. It's the 70's. The man in the truck lives in a neighborhood and there is this boy that he is mentally and emotionally terrorizing. The whole dream takes place at night.

Second dream:
I am in a department store with a female friend, and I keep messing things up. On the second floor there is a mannequin that is bent over to look like it's putting on these high-heeled platform shoes. Jokingly I slap the mannequin on the ass, and the entire display knocks over. The room is small as it is, and full of women who are looking at me. I start cleaning up the mess, having to reassemble the metal shoe rack. It's very difficult, but I finally complete it.

Third dream:
I am living with Sean, but he's not married yet, and someone else lives there also. It's night and I think that there's someone or something living in the house. We are gathered in the living room and the lights are out.

Fourth dream:
I'm at a restaurant on east Colfax past Colo. Blvd.. I go into the place to talk to the owner, an older Asian woman, to see if she wants to come to Lake Mac with us. When I arrive the place is empty, but by the time that I am done talking to her, the place is full of people I know. I try and leave w/o talking to anyone. As I open the door, Meredith says my name w/o looking at me. I feel caught so I turn and look at her. I go and sit across from her and talk to her for awhile. Then I talk to other people, but I have to leave. I exit the restaurant. I don't remember where my car is. Finally I find it and I head home to give Suzie the gem I got for her.
I get home and pull out a bag of gems, and I don't know where I got them from. I just give them to Suzie and head out to Lake Mac. Laura and others are there when I arrive. I'm sitting in the water and there are waves like the ocean's, but they are mostly sand. They engulf me, but I don't feel scared. I get out of the water and it is overcast. I need to leave so I can make it to Thailand. One of the people there doesn't want me to go until we've taken a group picture, but everyone is up at the lodge, and I really need to go.

an illustration I did a year or so ago. Imagery from my many dreams

30 May 2004

Dream 1:
I have a white car similar to Heath's but I've let it get very dusty and dirty. I pull into a field lot next to a silo looking building. It's night and I think that I need to clean the car. There are other students there, and we all climb these tall metal stairs. Some of the other students are foreign and we are comparing pencils. I have the gold mechanical one that Dad gave me. We get to the top and enter our classroom. It's very dim inside. We all sit at individual desks and the professor passes out the test. There is a lady to the side of me with a cheat sheet and he catches her, berates her and stops the test. When we restart the test it is on a computer and there are all these crazy physics diagrams with all these questions about them. Either I was asking a question, or there was something wrong with my computer, but when the professor comes over to help he accidentally erases my test, and can't retrieve it. I remember thinking how I should have studied more and at one point there was a fiasco with the pencils and my mechanical one was worn down to a stub.

Dream 2:
I am walking on 17th St. Its grey out, drizzling and evening. I felt like walking. I go to meet Brian at a movie but once I get there I am not interested, so I leave. As I'm walking I see Vida and Noah. They are also watching a movie, so I tell them I'll see them later and keep walking. Them maybe I see someone I know in a car or something and I go into this house/restaurant.

28 May 2004

I am in Denver. I go to Linda's new apartment. She's moving a cardboard stand around. There is a living room area and then the rooms are off of that, and also upstairs. One of the people who lives there is Kevin Smith. I ask him if he'll do a bullshit episode of Bullshit, but as soon as I ask him, I realize that he isn't part of that show. He's bothered by that and disappears into his room. There is going to be a party there later, so I go get something to eat on Colfax. I go to this pizza shop and while I wait, the owner is cutting green M&Ms out of sugar cookie dough. A woman enters and she's got a trumpet. She's older but still very vivacious, and she's got this colorful outfit on. She gets ready to play and is trying to elicit excitement from the customers, but we mostly ignore her. So she gets snappy and makes us get excited. We do, and then she's happy and starts to play. I leave and go back to Linda's. The party has started and there are a fair amount of people there, but people are on something and it brings out different traits in different people.

27 May 2004 #4

I walk into this building. It's a temple. Inside everything is an earthen color, and across the room there is a man bending in the doorway, stretching and instructing others. He's a darker man with long dreads pulled back. The temple is a tantric one, and it feels very old. I'm sitting along the wall on a ledge watching the instruction. There is a guy next to me with his dick out, and he's trying to get me to look at it, but I ignore him and turn my back. Later these intruders with money come in and require the people of the temple to include their daughter in the rituals. She is this grotesque obese woman who is carried in on a stretcher.
Next thing I am in this forgotten room, with dusty children's toys and an old computer. I am with a couple other people and we are looking for something to overthrow the intruders.

27 May 2004 #3

I am with Heath and Jessica on the rooftop patio of some building. It's grey and windy out. The entire roof top shifts in timed intervals from one side to another, creating an overhang. Heath is sitting at a bar that looks out over the edge, reading the newspaper. He tells me that someone won $1 Billion up in Michigan. Then Jessica comes over with a plate full of Jellybeans, and I tell the two of them about my dream where Brian and John visited me.
Soon we go inside to an apartment. There is a raised area that has red bars around it, like guard rails, and then steps down to a living room. We are setting out food for a party and some of the guests are already there. Terry is one of them. After the party Heath, Jessica and I go out walking downtown, but it's more like ATL than DEN.

27 May 2004 #2

I'm sleeping downstairs in Francie's place and I am awakened by Brian and John Simpkins entering the room. It's my birthday and they came all the way out to ATL to visit me. The spark a bowl, but I tell them that we can't smoke here, so they put it out. John has all here joints of kind bud rolled. I hear Francie coming down the stairs, so I stash the weed in my pocket. She seems suspicious, but doesn't say anything. She tells me that Alyssa called and told her someone won $1 Billion up in Michigan. We are all sitting around and Brian gives me a present of jellybeans. Then this group come in, and one of the guys starts to strip off his shirt. These people Brian and John picked up on the way out to visit me. The entire time I am nervous about the weed in my pocket.

25 May 2004

I'm on the balcony of a large house. On the fire escape of the neighboring house stands a man (who looks like a famous actor but is just a guy in the dream). I am in love/lust with him, and he is coming for me. Before we bridge the two gaps I make the man help Vida from down off the roof. After he does this we embrace, and I am filled with elation. We kiss and my panties get wet, soon it's heavy petting, so we move inside to a bedroom. I'm embarrassed about my underware being wet, but the man doesn't care. We're naked, and he's rushing sex even though his dick isn't hard. Finally I tell him I don't want sex, I just want to make out. He starts talking to his cock, trying to reason with it. From there the dream follows the man.
The man gets a job, and falls in with the wrong crowd. There's something about some drugs and some shit goes down. I'm watching this. He's at a baseball field, its' night, and he jumps the fence, running while these people chase him down. They tackle him and carry him off. He is taken to a factory/lab and is serving time. His cell mate (also a famous actor) pines for the family that was taken away from him. The cell mate has a doll, and is rocking it, singing to it. A doctor comes in and takes away the doll. This agitates the cell mate, so he is then restrained.
Next thing I know, I'm in jail also. I'm being kept in a very large building, on a floor that is empty. There are both men and women there, and I pick a public fight with mousy woman. When I finally get her upset I apologize, which confuses her.
At some point in the dream I walk by Michelle and Taylor, playing outside. When I walk away I hear Michelle tell Taylor that they need to go get her a TV.

24 May 2004

I apply for a job at a grocery store/Walmart, and later so does Annie. After working there a day or two I realize that this is not where I want to work, so I try to leave. There are these unruly who keep knocking things down, and throwing stuff. I have to move both Graeme's and Heath's cars from the fenced in lot when I go to leave. First I move Graeme's, but then I have to go back for Heath's car. When I get to it, the door is open, and I think that someone has stolen the stereo and other things, but then everything is there. I go back inside for something and the store employees take me into the back where these "bosses" are, who try and assault me, but I get out.

27 May 2004 #1

Zach and I are drinking, and then we go to a funeral at a large church. Vida and Noah are there, and so are a lot of other people. Then everyone is dancing the tango. Afterwords I leave, and go to the Dexter house. Suzie and Shari are cleaning after the service. There's a boy Graeme's age who has hypothermia and Sheri is caring for him. Then there's this girl Graeme knows who lays with the boy.
Next we are in this large auditorium full of young people. Everyone's waiting for a movie to start. I have something in my hands and I ask the person in the row in front of me, in Spanish, if they need it. On my way out, someone makes an "oh la la" comment, and I retort that it's time to learn another language. I work my way back through the city to Zack's place. I have this dense chocolate ball that I don't want. We are at a 7-11 and I slyly drop it on the floor and continue shopping. The sales lady comes over and asks me to pick up my trash. She and I have words; she's timid, but persistent and in the end I pick it up.

23 May 2004

I-
We go to a gig downtown and park the car. When we come out, the car is gone, and there are all these weird looking cars around, like old electric ones. Then all the instruments are gone. Slowly through out the dream I find the instruments in odd places.

II-
some sort of sex dream with Brian in it.

III-
I am at school and it is cold out. I am trying to leave, but it takes me several trips because I keep forgetting stuff. I go to a coffee shop where a woman is giving a lecture. I pay the cashier, and later the speaker tries to bill someone. At one point I am telling everyone that I part my hair on the other side, but no one notices. I think Kayla is there also.

22 May 2004

Dream A:
I am at a party. There are a lot of Angelo's people here. Brian is there playing tether ball with some other people. Terry F is here, he is getting ready to move to Penang. There is a guy here with a huge bag of weed. At one point I am at a gas station and I see Chad and Dulce, but they don't see me.

Dream B:
I stop by Zach's place. It's afternoon and he is home. We are talking and writing and drawing. He has a show later. I get there when he gets there. A bear cub is waiting outside. Zach recognizes it, but gives it little mind. It rubs against me like a dog; it's got a blond/golden coat. A child shows up, maybe he's homeless, and then he is in the house with us. The boy has black hair, brown eyes and dirt on his face. The bear swipes at the child and scratches it's temple. We clean the wound up and then both the bear and the child are gone. Zach and I go back to drawing, and we draw something that would make good puppets. Zach still has his show later and is visibly tired. I offer to make the puppets, but Zach tells me to either take a nap with him, or to leave. Instead of taking a nap when I leave, Zach walks me home.
Everything in the dream is quiet up to this point, but when we walk into my house on Dexter, there are a bunch of people there, and Brian is one of them. There is a bunch of weed out, and the phone is ringing. It's Laura. At first I can't hear her because of the background commotion, but finally I understand that she wants me to go in on an $300 sack. When I get off the phone Zach has gone, but he left his jacket.
Next Suzie and Kayla come in, so I quickly hide all the drugs. Graeme is in his room, but his room is bare. There is a piano shell against one wall and Graeme is sitting at it, but on the floor. He has long, bleached white hair with chlorine green stains in it. He is showing me what he has been working on at the piano, and although there are no keys and he is on the floor, the piano plays.
I go into my room and Brian is there watching tv. Kramer is on. In the show, Kramer is with a group of kindergartners, sitting around a mat. Kramer leans in and asks all the kids: "Is there a test so bad that we would all fail it?" The kids look terrified. Kramer look over his shoulder and then back at the kids. "Don't worry, I know how to fix (work/manipulate) these people. You kids just go home," he tells them.

16 May 2004

I'm traveling back and forth through the city, every time rushing. At my destination there is this bathroom which I have to go through to get to my destination. Each time I pass through the counter is full of people's stuff: women's watches, earrings and neckalces. All of it is beautiful, or antique, many made of precious materials. I'm looking through the items and I know none of it is mine, but I think about taking it. In the end though I realize that I have no real desire for any of it.
On one trip, either there or back, I am with Brian, and he is driving. We are trying to get some coffee and we are lost. I'm anxious because I'm late and we are arguing. Finally we pull into this industrial yard and a woman I recognize comes out. When I ask her where we can get some coffee, she replies: "Right here," and walks off to make our coffee. I feel better, more relaxed and I watch the rusty machines in the yard. I think about the bathroom from earlier, how in contrast it was so spotless and fancy, yet also homogenized in a way.
At some point I end up in this apartment. It is mostly empty, and has tall ceilings. There is a couch, a television and a large open kitchen. The man who lives there is in his 30's, a white guy who walks around in these white and grey speckled jogging pants. For some reason he and I are at odds and we are yelling. There is, at one time, someone else there, and while this guy is yelling at me, he's got his cock hanging out. When he realizes, he gets frustrated and I laugh at him, citing that as proof of his stupidity. In the end though, it is I who is wrong and I am apologizing to another person who is with me, I feel that I got them in trouble, but they are calm and compassionate.

14 May 2004

Laura is telling me about Zach going on a date, and how he was all cute about it.

24 April 2004

A bunch of my friends are in my car smoking, and I am in such a stupor that I don't stop them.

18 April 2004

Dream 1:
I am at a high school gymnasium watching some team sporting event. There's this family, an odd family. There's a white haired patriarch who I beguile and befriend. Then the others let me in, they are all magic, and I also have a magic. I talk to the plants, I hold them close and they grow instantaneously. I speak to them in all sorts of languages, and they grow.

Dream 2:
I'm in a prison in the countryside. It feels like another era, my clothes are a bland heavy cotton. The prison has a large field, unkempt, and at first I'm all upset about being in prison, but then I fall in love with an inmate/guard. We sneak off into the field often and it's war, and I'm happy.

14 April 2004

I'm in a labor camp and there is a child adept with me. I help her escape and once we are out I carry the child so it can sleep. We are looking for her parents. We crawl through a vertical hamper into a room where a man, woman and possibly other children live.
They are the child's parents, but they are reluctant to take her back, and their reason for giving the child up was mundane and selfish.

03 March 2004

Brian, some others and I create this metal worm/snake machine that burrows. At one point we fight a giant rabbit.

10 Feb 2004

There is a great meteor shower raining down on the Earth. I'm not scared or anxious, I'm excited to see it. I have this crazy digital watch that shows the time of impact. I go over to Suzie's, and I am excited to see Kayla. There are a lot of people, and soon I leave.
I am in water, the ocean, and it is swelling. I am diving under the waves. Then I am in the Subaru, and Brian is driving. Jude, Christine, Jason and Betsy are there. Betsy is trying to get into the care on the driver's side, even though there is room for her in the back. She sits up front on my lap. We go to this hotel, and have a suite on one of the top floors. I am worried about the cost of the room, but there is no one at the counter to charge us, so it ends up not mattering, and we all watch the meteor's fall from the sky.

4 Feb 2004

I am with Vida, Noah, Brian and Zach at Laura's dad's place. We are there waiting for others. Her parents leave on a trip. Our group is just watching tv, so I go into the other room with Brian. He falls asleep, so I start to masturbate with a dildo that looks like a pacifier. Laura's step mom interrupts me; they have come back and they are fighting. Her dad sees almost oblivious to the step mom's ranting-she's preparing to leave him.
We all get ready to leave, we go outside to wait for our ride. I somehow get separated from the group. I am heading for a main street when a Dachshund walks out from the ally. I think he is so cute, and that Brian will love him. There is no owner around, but the dog is wearing a collar. It's night so I can't read it, I coax the dog under a light, which is in front of this house. The dog takes off, up the stairs and into the house.
I go after him. When I get into the house I find that it is a bar, and the dog is now a young boy who is regal. The boy is wearing a linen shirt. An eruption of noise takes place. The place is full of Mexican men, and they are going wild. I leave the place, running, and go hide in a car, where there is a woman changing. She is weirded out by my presence but says nothing when the guys are near. Zach sticks his head in and tells me that there are cops rounding everyone up.
Now it's daylight, and I go back into the house. It's empty, and flooded with light. It reminds me of a New Orleans' style place. The dog that was a boy is now a man, and he leads me to a table where there is a head dress, mask, and necklace. I put them all on. The man kisses my neck and when I'm done, he turns me around. I feel transformed into some kind of goddess.